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Written by Rabbi Irwin Katsoff
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 1. Tell yourself: "Maybe I don't know the whole story." Example: Linda telephoned her friend Jenny one night and told her: "Well, I thought Kevin was a neat guy, but you'd better believe that he's rude and irresponsible. We had
a date tonight. He was supposed to pick me up at 8:00. Now it's 9:30, and he didn't even have the decency to call. Nobody in our crowd should ever go out with him."
What really happened? As Kevin was leaving his apartment to pick Linda up, he got a call from his mother in Denver that his father had had a heart attack. He called an airline and managed to reserve a seat on a flight leaving in just one hour. He tried to call Linda, but her line was busy. He got to the airport just in time to make the plane. By the time he reached Denver, the hour was too late in Philadelphia to call Linda.
How could Linda have given Kevin the benefit of the doubt? She could have thought:
a. Maybe an emergency came up.
b. Maybe he tried to call me; my line was tied up for a while.
c. Maybe one of us got confused about which night the date is.
d. Maybe he has a perfectly good reason for standing me up. I shouldn't jump to conclusions before I know the facts.
If Linda gives the benefit of the doubt, instead of being furious and condemning, she will be disappointed, but calm. And she will spare herself looking like a fool when she finds out what did happen.
2. Judge others as charitably as you judge yourself
Example: At coffee break, Brad told his co-workers: "You won't believe what just happened! I was passing Beth's desk, and I made a little joke about how messy it is, and she bit my head off! She has no sense of humor, as well as being a slob!"
Notice the double standard: When Brad loses his temper, he excuses himself by saying, "I didn't get enough sleep last night. My blood sugar is low. Coffee puts me on edge, but I can't function without it. I just heard that I didn't get my raise; I was in no mood to be teased."
How could Brad have given Beth the benefit of the doubt? By excusing her poor behavior the same way he excuses his own.
If Brad gives the benefit of the doubt, instead of feeling wounded by Beth's scolding, and contributing to an atmosphere of back-biting in the office, he'll treat the whole incident lightly, and he'll see himself as an understanding, magnanimous person.
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