 Rabbi Simcha Weinberg, SHLIT’A, in a shiur on the 3 weeks, spoke about the Midah of Busha (embarrassment). He taught from the Maharal’s sefer called Nesivos haOlam (Paths of the World), Chapter 4,
Nesivos haBusha (Paths of Shame or Embarrassment) .
Rabbi Weinberg taught that as long as you’re ashamed of what you’re doing, then there’s a part of you that’s disconnected from the cheit (sin), and there’s still hope for you. If you’re not embarrassed, then you’re totally connected and committed to that aveirah (sin) and there’s no hope for you – you’re lost.
Rabbi Weinberg added, our embarrassment is a reflection of how committed we are to our action. If there are things we do in private that we would not do in front of other people, then it’s a sign that we have Busha (shame) and there’s still hope for us to be able to do Teshuva (to repent or to return).
What came to mind was the pasuk (phrase) we say in davening (prayer) every night in the prayer of Hashkiveinu (Lay us down . . . to sleep):
V’haseir Satan milfaneinu u’mei-achareinu – and remove the Satan, the evil inclination, from before us and from behind us . . .
The first time we do something wrong, a transgression, we are reluctant, hesitant, unsure of ourselves. Afterwards, we most likely feel some remorse for having done it. The first time. The second time it’s not as difficult to do, it’s easier. The third time, it’s already permitted in our minds.
As the saying goes, the first time we do an aveira (a sin), it’s a sin. The second time it’s neutral. The thirds time it’s a mitzvah, a commandment (in our minds, of course).
I understand why I would want the Yeitzer Horah (evil inclination) removed from in front of me, so that I won’t have sin and temptation in my path.
But why the Yeitzer Horah “from behind us”?
How can that help?
What harm can he do behind us?
To me, this tefillah (prayer) is saying, if only we could get rid of the security of having done this act before. The Satan behind us, the Yeitzer Horah behind us, is blocking us from returning, from doing teshuva. It is the Yeitzer Horah that is behind us , telling us, “It’s OK, nothing will happen to you. You already ate from the tree once and you didn’t die. Don’t worry. Go Ahead. Just do it. Have fun, Enjoy yourself. It’s OK. You’ll be fine.”
If Hashem would remove that Yeitzer Horah from behind us, we would perhaps hesitate . . . or be embarrassed as if it’s the first time all over again. If Hashem would remove that familiarity with sin from behind us, we would have a better chance of resisting temptation.
May the Almighty protect us from our mistakes of the past.
Copyright © 2010 by Heshie Klein, MD – all rights reserved
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