It is true that any energetic behavior reduces anger by dissipating the arousal. It is also true that the resulting "good feeling" reinforces the destructive behavior. However, reinforcing aggressive behavior means that it will become a stronger habit. People using aggressive behavior to "get rid of their anger" tend to become more--not less--aggressive. Research evidence supports this conclusion. A better way to reduce anger is to do something constructive and energetic such as exercise, sports, or doing something physically active that helps solve the problem.

What about "honest" aggressive behavior? How would you feel if someone called you "stupid," "selfish," or a string of other negatives and then said, "I just wanted to be honest about how I feel?" How would you feel? How constructive was it to the relationship?

The aggressive statement may have been honest in the sense that it reported their thoughts at an angry moment. However, was it the whole picture? Or was their "honesty" just a series of anger-induced thoughts that were intended to hurt you in order to get even for some perceived harm?

Wouldn't it be more constructive if the person told you that he or she really cares about you, but is angry over something you did? Wouldn't it be more constructive if the person took time to listen to your point-of-view and work on constructive solutions to the problem? Which approach is better? Aggressive "honesty" or a thoughtful, assertive honesty?

PRACTICE 1: (1) List your self-destructive expressions of anger and replace them with constructive expressions. List ways you deal with frustrating situations. What thoughts increase your anger? Which words or actions are harmful to others, your relationships, or yourself? (Examples: Yelling, swearing, attacking, throwing things, eating, smoking, drugs, avoiding the problem, or taking it out on someone else.) What thoughts and actions would be more constructive?

(2) List energetic activities to reduce anger's arousal. Sports, exercise, biking, walking, running, doing chores, laughing, and even (constructive) talking can help reduce anger's arousal. The more vigorous the activity, the more effective.

PRACTICE 2: Develop a plan for assertive (not aggressive or passive) conflict resolution. Follow the suggestions above (and in chapter 6) to develop a plan of how to deal assertively with situations where you tend to be angry and aggressive (or non-assertive). Seek win-win solutions.


SUMMARY:

To overcome anger and aggression,
choose EMPATHETIC UNDERSTANDING
over assuming the worst intentions,
choose UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE CARING
over insensitivity,
choose the HAPPINESS DOCTRINE
over the fairness doctrine,
choose ACCEPTING the unchangeable aspects of reality
over hostility--"its the way of things,"
take CONSTRUCTIVE ENERGETIC ACTIONS
to help get rid of the steam inside, and
remember, there is inherent justice for harmful behaviors and
most of all, remember,
EVERY MOMENT OF ANGER IS ONE LESS MOMENT OF HAPPINESS.

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