 The Midrash in Va'etchanan describes in great detail the arguments Moshe used when he prayed and begged to be allowed to enter the Land of Israel. "Master of the World! Is it for nothing that my feet stepped
through the thick cloud? Is it for nothing that I ran ahead of Your children like a horse, if my end will be for the worm? [...]Adam deserved to die, for he transgressed the light Mitzvah You commanded him, so it is indeed appropriate that he should die, and even the Patriarchs, Abraham's progeny was Ishmael, Isaac's progeny was Eisav, and even Jacob, he did not ascend to the firmament, he did not become like one of the ministering angels, You did not speak with him face to face [...] If You consent to it, then I will enter the Land and live there for two or three years, and then I will die [...] even if I will not enter in my lifetime, but can I enter after death? [...] What is Your reason for all this anger against me?[...] Since Moshe saw that no notice was being taken of him, he went to heaven and earth, to the stars, the mountains, the hills, the Great Sea and to the celestial interior minister asking them in tun to beg for mercy on his behalf. [...] Once he had resigned himself to death, The Holy One, Blessed Is He, proclaimed, "Who will stand up for Me against evildoers? Who will stand up for Israel? Who will stand up in the battles of My children? [...]" (Midrash Tanchuma, Va'etchanan #6)
Moshe's pleading voice resonates in this very moving Midrash; although it is difficult to relate to this unique and extraordinary human being, his heartfelt prayer echoes in my consciousness, bringing to the surface my own sighs of frustration, my unanswered questions and feelings of disquiet. His fight, on some level, is our fight too as we struggle with our own limitations, searching for the comfort of God's love.
The Midrash describes the nuances of Moshe's arguments, layer upon layer of proofs, rational evidence, emotional pleas, ardent claims and varied strategies; all met with almost no response on God's part. It seems as if the succinct answers coming from God just serve to give Moshe more momentum to continue his side of the argument! He just keeps on going, turning to all sides to fuel his supplication. It is only when he finally stops fighting that God provides him with the most intense comfort of all; His own sadness -so to speak- at having to cause the death of such an incredible leader.
When confronted with hardship, the emotional struggle, that we often mistaken for an intellectual quest for answers, has to take place. The fight is a necessary step, and one that we must fully experience. But while we are in the midst of the fight, we are not ready yet to find answers. When we pray, feeling angry and frustrated, we are not truly looking to be appeased. When we are filled with rage in the face of a personal or collective tragedy, nothing at that point will calm us down. We first have to put our ammunitions down. It is only then that we can start paying attention to how God is sending us messages of love, how, He too, suffers when we do, and how He wants us to find the comfort that will heal all our wounds.
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