 There are times when a person davens (prays) full of hergesh (feeling and emotion) with tears streaming down his face. The words just seem to flow by themselves.
At these times he feels very close to Hashem.
There are other times, however, when the davening comes with great difficulty, with a lack of enthusiasm and even a coldness. His thoughts and feelings are elsewhere. His heart sinks within him and is broken. He bewails the fact that he just can’t “get into it.”
However, it isn’t necessarily so. On the one hand when one sees “as es geit nit” (it’s just not going), he tends to give up and rushes through the rest. However, “Eizu hu avodah shehi b’lev … zu tefillah.” (Which service to Hashem is performed in the heart … this is davening.)
“Avodah” means service but it also means work. The work aspect comes in when indeed it is difficult.
The Benefits of a Deep Freeze
This is also an aspect of “l’fum tza’ara agra” (according to the work or pain is the reward).
He seeks out Hashem through hard work and effort. Who is to say which tefillah, the free-flowing, tearful one, or the difficult word for word, phrase by phrase one, is more dear in Hashem’s eyes? The main thing, when one sees that his thoughts keep wandering elsewhere, is not to give up and speed through but rather to be patient and to keep trying as if he had the feeling. Very often the feeling will indeed come. Even if not, his avodah is very dear to Hashem. “Whether one accomplishes much or only a little [is not the main thing] as long as he tries his best and directs his heart to Hashem.” Whether in Torah or davening or good deeds.
On Being and Becoming
Being (Havayoh) is the level which one has already attained whether through birth (a good head, good traits, etc.) or environment or past achievement. Becoming (Hasogoh) is the level that one endeavors to achieve but is of yet beyond him. Seforim (books) state that the main potential for spiritual growth is when it is difficult and challenging for whatever reason (physical, emotional, ability, environment, etc.). In Olam Haboh (the future world) one’s understanding of Torah will not be based on his brilliance that he was born with. That was not his doing. Rather it will be based on every drop of sweat and tears and groans which he spent learning and in service to Hashem. Only this came from him and through his efforts.
Of Possible Help
Of possible benefit is to take only one phrase (three to four words) at a time and concentrate full attention on just that. Then go on to the next phrase, etc. This often helps.
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